Phoebe and the Rock of Ages Page 15

  Phoebe heard Theresa’s breath catch, too, and when she glanced up at the woman beside her, she saw a gut-wrenching combination of possessive fear and gratefulness in her eyes. Phoebe recognized it for what it was. Don’t worry. She’s yours. She let her hand slip back to the crumpled sheets she’d been clutching only moments before; she would not intentionally touch the baby again.

  She turned her face away from Theresa, from Jeff, from Lily. Away from Melissa’s too-aware gaze and toward the wall. She closed her eyes, thought about her favorite beach at sunset, the way the sand ground between her toes as she walked, how the water was always surprisingly cold, even on the hottest of summer days.

  A single, searing tear slipped from the corner of Phoebe’s eye and burned a track across her temple and into her hair. Surely, it would leave a puckered scar, a mark that would forever brand her as a mother who had abandoned her child.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

  “I’m not going to tell you to pray about it,” Vic said, sitting back in his chair, an arm holding Juliette to his side. “I figure you’re going to be doing a lot of that without me having to suggest it.”

  Trevor stood and took his plate to the sink, washed the dish, and then took his time loading a bowl with ice cream and a brownie. He wasn’t really hungry for dessert, but he needed to keep his hands busy.

  “Thanks. So other than praying, you two have any suggestions on how to go about approaching Phoebe? I’m not going to wait until she brings it up. I’ll be careful, but I’m not going to even try to pretend like it didn’t happen if she doesn’t remember me. I know if our roles were reversed, it would only tick me off more to have her know something like this and not say anything. Especially if she finally worked up the courage to tell me days, weeks, or months down the road, and all along she knew and was hiding it. That’s the same as lying, right?”

  Juliette straightened. “Trevor, if I know one thing for sure about my sister, it’s that she’s very good at keeping people out and keeping her real thoughts and feelings in. I don’t know why she went to the church for help back then—it was a strange year, now that I look back. I’d already graduated, but I still lived with my grandparents, too afraid to leave the family I still had, too afraid to move past my parents’ deaths. I was pretty shut down in those first few years, but I do remember some terrible fights between Renata and Phoebe. It seems like it was about boys most of the time, but I don’t remember boys coming around the house at all. Not in those early years.”

  “It must have been so hard on all of you,” Trevor murmured. “Those transitioning years into adulthood can be brutal even with great parents around to help you through it. I can’t begin to imagine.”

  Juliette took a long drink of water and then sat forward a little, her forehead furrowed in thought. “You know what? Phoebe went away the summer before her senior year. She left on some kind of a summer work program—I think it was one of those sustainable farming programs where students learned while working or something like that. I figured it was just to get away from us—from the animosity between her and Renata. I thought it would be good for both of them.” She smiled wryly. “For all of us.”

  Trevor lowered his eyes. He was pretty sure she hadn’t gone to a farm to learn how to plant crops year round. He was pretty sure she’d found someone who would help her with her pregnancy in whatever capacity she needed. He just prayed that the baby—the teenager now—was alive somewhere, being loved on by good parents.

  “She came home in time for school to start and seemed much better, partly because of the time away, I’m sure, but also because Renata headed off to college that year, so Phoebe had the high school to herself. Gia started first grade that year,” Juliette added, still lost in her memories.

  “What do you mean by better?” Trevor asked, only glancing at her briefly.

  “Just calmer. More aloof, too, like she’d grown up a little. I suppose you would have to grow up and be responsible at a place like that.”

  Trevor nodded. “I suppose you would have to.” But he kept his head down. Oh, the burden that Phoebe had apparently carried all these years.

  “My advice is to take it slow. I don’t know why she came to church that day, except that, like I said, it had been a really tough year for her and Ren, but the fact that she told you she came looking for a mother—” Juliette’s voice broke and she bit back a half sob, then tried again. “The fact she asked for help at all tells me she was really, really desperate. Things have never been easy between Phoebe and Ren, as far back as I can remember, in fact. At first, it seemed to get better after my parents died, but that year? I don’t know, Trevor. I was still so caught up in my own head, I just didn’t pay enough attention. Even though we have all remained close, something changed that year. In all of us, but mostly in Phoebe, I think. I guess I just figured it was an inevitable change because we were all becoming adults and figuring out our separate paths….” She let the sentence trail off, but Trevor could tell this whole thing had her rethinking the way things were and why they went the way they did.

  “I understand the need to tread carefully. I promise I will. God knows I don’t want a repeat. But I know—I know—this is a second chance for, well, for us. For Phoebe and me. In whatever capacity. I want to pursue her heart, but I have a feeling once she finds out who I am….” He let the words trail off, refusing to say what he feared might happen. “So I’ll focus on her soul for now. And maybe, in time, she’ll open her heart to me.”

  “She’s not a flowers and chocolates kind of girl,” Juliette said. “I mean, she likes that stuff as much as the next girl, but she’s so accustomed to men trying to woo her in all the cliché ways. You’re going to have to get creative.”

  Trevor grunted, feeling overwhelmed all over again.

  “Especially if you’re going after her soul first,” she added.

  Victor chuckled. “Good luck, my friend. I think you’re going to need it.”

  Trevor eyed his friends. “But you give me your blessing? Both of you?” He saw the uncertainty on their faces, but it was important that these two people—his best friend and Phoebe’s sister—agreed and supported him in this. “If either one of you tell me I’m wrong or even off about this, I’ll pull back. I trust you and I would really appreciate knowing you’re in agreement.”

  Victor leaned forward, resting his elbows on the table. He covered one of Juliette’s hands with his own and cleared his throat. “Well, Juliette can speak for herself, but I will say this. Don’t do anything tonight except pray. We’ll pray with you now, and then I’ll commit to praying for you tonight, too. But while you’re doing so, maybe ask yourself a few questions. Are you pursuing Phoebe for the right reasons? I mean, if you’re going to be obedient to the Word of God, you can’t pursue a romantic relationship with her if she’s not a Christian. Are you prepared to walk away if she says ‘no’ to God?”

  Trevor cringed inwardly at the question, one he’d not wanted to ask himself—or perhaps one he hadn’t wanted to have to answer—but he nodded slowly, knowing he would have to do just that.

  Victor held up a hand. “I don’t want you to answer me right now. I’m challenging you to talk these things over with God tonight, and tomorrow if you don’t have clear answers, or longer if you need to. In fact, maybe take tomorrow and fast while you pray. You’re talking about not only preparing to address what seems to have been a major turning point in Phoebe’s life—one you potentially played a pretty significant role in—but you’re also considering making a huge step toward both your futures, if indeed, you decide to try to win her heart, too.”

  “All right,” Trevor agreed. “That makes sense to me. I’ll start with prayer tonight. Then I’ll spend the day tomorrow fasting and praying before I take any other action.” He caught the bemused expression on Juliette’s face and realized that as a fairly new Christian, she may not quite understand the concept. “And Vic, after I’m gone, fill your fiancée in on how this
whole fasting thing works.”

  Victor squeezed Juliette’s hand and continued. “You believe God has asked you to take your music to a new level, a new place, and you’re neck deep in that project now, right?” Victor continued, his brow furrowed in thought. He didn’t wait for Trevor to confirm. “Well, does pursuing Phoebe right now line up with this project? Or will it take you away from it; will she distract you from this calling on your life?”

  “These are tough questions, honey,” Juliette murmured beside him.

  “Yes, they are. But I think because of the magnitude of the situation, they’re questions that need to be asked.”

  “I agree,” Trevor said. “It’s all right. Anything else?” he asked, his gaze shifting back and forth between them. “Anything at all?”

  “Are you willing to wait? Would you be willing to wait if God wants you to wait for His timing? If he says it’s not the right time now?”

  “To talk about our history together? Or to go after her heart?”

  “Both. Either.”

  Trevor nodded, mulling over the notion. It didn’t feel right to even consider waiting—he wanted to charge over there right now, at this very moment, crash through her door and tell her how sorry he was, what a fool he’d been, and beg her forgiveness, then plead with her for a fresh start. Now! Not after a day or two or more of praying and fasting. So the thought of not doing anything felt almost suffocating. “He’d better make that pretty darn clear, if that’s what he wants.” He made a little grunting sound that might have been a laugh.

  “I have a question,” Juliette said. Her words were soft, tentative, and Trevor cocked his head to look at her. “Or two. But I actually do want answers tonight, if you can give them. And they may be selfish.”

  “Ask away.” He kept his own tone modulated, but his heart started working overtime. He wasn’t sure he wanted to hear what she had to ask.

  “Okay. First, let me start out by saying that I fully support you talking to her about whatever happened in that church. It’s obvious to me that the air needs to be cleared between you two. I wish I could remember more about what was going on around that time, but I don’t, so I have to trust your instincts on this.” She pointed at him as she added, “And I do. I trust your instincts on that part.”

  “Good,” Trevor nodded slowly. “That part is priority right now and if it weren’t for the rest of it, I’d be there tonight, talking to Phoebe, instead of you two.” He rested his elbows on the table. “Go on.”

  “Why?” she asked without any more preamble. “I mean, I love Phoebe beyond anything that you can possibly imagine. I want the best for her. And honestly, in some strange way, I think you might be the best person in the world for someone like her. You’d understand her flamboyant and creative side better than any of us do. You don’t seem to be afraid of anything, and believe me, Phoebe has scared off more than one good man in her life.”

  Trevor bit back a grin; Juliette Gustafson was picking up speed. She did that when she was passionate about something…or just nervous. He wasn’t laughing at her—Juliette was one of the most transparent people he knew and it was one of the many things he appreciated about her. He forced his features to remain neutral and kept his eyes trained on her face as she continued.

  “You’re not judgmental and you don’t beat people over the head with your high standards, but you have them, and you live them. You might actually be strong enough to take on someone like my sister and survive. Even thrive.”

  “Well, thank you. I think.” Trevor did smile at that, but his eyebrows rose in question. “And yet, I hear a but in there….”

  “Yeah. But.” Juliette nodded. “Those are all reasons why you would be good for Phoebe. But what about the other way around? How is Phoebe good for you? Why are you drawn to her? Why Phoebe, of all people?” She turned to Victor, her expression troubled. Trevor realized she was looking to her man for confirmation—they were already a closely-knit team. Either they’d already discussed this, or she was asking him to confirm that she wasn’t just being unkind. Her next words confirmed it. “I know that sounds awful of me, but because I care so much about both of you,” she looked Trevor’s way again, “I just feel like I need to know before I can fully get behind you. I don’t want either of you to go into this with false hope.”

  Ah. He remembered her experience with the man she’d been in a relationship with for ten years before Victor. She’d been deeply hurt when she’d learned their expectations of each other and the future of their relationship were quite different.

  “And,” she hesitated, but he waited, giving her room to get the words out on her time. “You just met her. I know you officially met her ages ago, but it doesn’t seem like it should count. I mean, she wasn’t even an adult yet.”

  Trevor almost corrected her—she was certainly dealing with situations no child should have to deal with alone—but he held his tongue.

  “And I know I talk about her all the time, so it may feel like you know her, but I admittedly have a rather biased opinion of her, so it’s probably not very wise to base your perception of who she is on what I say.

  Which means, technically, you met her for the first time last Saturday, spent half an hour with her at best, and now, here it is, a little over a week later, and you think you want to possibly marry her?”

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

  “Help me understand, Trevor. Why Phoebe?” Juliette took a steadying breath and pulled a curly lock of her long hair over her shoulder to toy with the ends of it.

  Trevor had seen Phoebe do the same thing all those years ago in that shadowy church, and he’d noticed she’d also done it while standing on the sidewalk waiting for him to get her car started. It made his chest tight to realize how much he’d noticed about the woman in such a short period of time. He swallowed back the discomfort and considered a moment before answering.

  “Okay. So it may be a little over the top, but go with me on this.” He leaned forward, and gesturing with his hands, he tried to explain. “Imagine a thirsty man—let’s say he’s a homesteader looking for the perfect place where he can build his home and raise his family—who stumbles upon the most spectacular mountain spring. After a moment—just a moment, mind you—of stunned awe and gratitude, he plunges his hands into the crystal clear water and downs that nectar of the gods with great exuberance, taking his fill of it within moments.” He cupped his hands together and pretended he was scooping water to his mouth. “It’s love at first sight. The spring is lovely, the ground around it is lush and the trees are choice for building with. It will require some work, sure, but he’s not afraid of hard work.”

  “If Phoebe’s the spring in this story, and you’re the homesteader, you’d better have his same work ethic,” Juliette warned.

  Trevor grinned but continued his tale. “He sits by the water’s edge, overwhelmed by the beauty of it all, grateful for the path that led him to it. He’s fully aware that there may be more springs, more streams—maybe bigger, clearer, deeper—out there, but from his perspective, this one is everything he could possibly need or want. The water is so delicious, so refreshing, so…sparkly.” He chuckled at the word that came to mind because it made him think of Phoebe and all her chunky shiny jewelry and flashing eyes. “And he knows he’ll never be satisfied with any other water ever again.”

  Victor shook his head, one side of his mouth crooking up in a slightly mocking grin. “Oh boy. You’ve got it bad, my friend. Worse than I thought.”

  Trevor threw his crumpled napkin at him; the officer caught it out of the air and tossed it back, hitting Trevor in the chest, directly over the heart. Touché! thought Trevor, but he focused on Juliette again and continued. “Even so, the urgency has passed. And now, he simply wants to sip, and savor, tasting every drop, the texture and temperature of the liquid as it passes over his lips, his tongue. He wants to dip his whole face in it, his whole body. He wants to raise his banner over the spring and claim it as h
is own. And with every swallow, he prays not only that the spring will never run dry, but also that he will never be taken from it again.”

  “A little over the top, ya think?” Victor quipped. “Just a smidge, maybe?”

  Trevor sat back, folding his hands on the table in front of him, dogged in his intentions. “Maybe. Sure. But would you ask that man why? Why the spring? Why does he want to stay there forever after having only discovered it? I doubt it—the reasons seem pretty obvious. It’s a beautiful spring. It meets his needs and more. It’s unclaimed. The list goes on and on. Sure, you might ask him for details about his plans for the spring. For instance, what if there are wild animals in the woods who also drink from the spring? Will he be willing to share with those who need the water? What happens in winter? Will the spring freeze over? And what if the spring gets tired of offering the man the elixir and it dries up one day? What if the man gets tired of the same old water every single day? These are all valid questions to ask him, especially since he wants to stake his claim on the spring, but you wouldn’t even think to wonder why he wanted to stay, would you? He’s a homesteader looking for a place to call home and he’s found one. In fact, the more likely question would be why not? Don’t you think?”

  “You’re crazy,” Juliette stated after a glaringly silent pause, shaking her head in tandem with Victor beside her. They looked like they were both watching the same cuckoo clock pendulum. “That is the craziest, most insane, most bizarre, over the top thing I’ve ever heard anyone say.” She closed her eyes and placed the hand not being held by Victor over her heart. “But in a strange way, it’s also pretty stinkin’ romantic, if you ask me.” Her eyes popped open. “But crazy.”